PaPeRo

I hate alarms. Particularly building alarms that go off and then continue to sound for ten to fifteen minutes. It sounds like a really sick car engine – a whiny metallic squeak. But loud. Very loud.

You might suspect that the sound is meant to be a deterrent. For me, it would deter me from turning it on. I propose that in the 21st century, we should have much better alarm systems than this.

Why haven’t we designed intelligent alarms? Ones that speak to the intruder and ask them “Please wait or I’ll pop a cap in yo’ ass.” Perhaps they could have an alarm that plays Barry Manilow or John Denver. If I was a teenage thug, I’d run the other way.

Can’t the boffins create an alarm that identifies where the intruder is, takes a picture of the intruder and calls the cops? Perhaps it could double as an espresso machine or a PaPeRo. All I know is it should be more than just a loud, whirling and annoying alarm.