I read a blog post today by Undomestic Diva titled “Quality vs Quantity in the bedroom“. If you haven’t read it yet, then I’m not going to spoil the fun. Go and have a read (men especially) and then come back and continue from here.

You’re back? Ok, let’s get into it then.

Undomestic Diva’s post got me thinking about sex and why men feel they have to be “marathon men” and last for hours and hours. Why is this so important to men and why is it that there is this (seeming) misconception that women are thinking the same way? I think there are a number of reasons this has happened.

Let’s start with peer pressure. Is there some sort of masculine bragging right from being able to go the distance with a girl? Probably. A man wants to look like a stud to his mates. For some, that might be the number of ‘notches on the bed head’. For others, it is bragging about going at it for hours with the hot (or no so hot) chick.

A lot of the stories are probably exaggerated. It’s like the old fishing story about the one that got away, except this time it’s about the hours and hours of hot lovemaking. It probably was all over in five minutes, or thirty minutes. Multiply that by five and you’ve now got a ripping yarn to share with the mates.

So what do we mean by sex? Some women say they want longer and more satisfying sex. Do they mean thrusting in an out intercourse? Possibly. But they probably also want more intimacy. They probably want more attention from their man when they aren’t in bed (or about to be). They probably want a cuddle and a massage occasionally.

That doesn’t mean there should be a massage and cuddle session and kissing and foreplay and then some oral and then some massage and then perhaps some intercourse that goes for hours and hours. Sometimes that will be appropriate. Sometimes a “Wham, bam and thank you ma’am and sir!” is what you both need. Mixing things up is important, but make sure your man knows this.

If you have had intimacy issues in the past and you’ve gotten him to be more attentive, perhaps he thinks it ALWAYS has to be like this. It’s possible in the past he has had a similar situation with another relationship. All women and men are different, so he’s doing what he thinks is right from previous experience, when you really just want it done well and done now.

Then there are the premature ejaculation ads on TV, and this stuff is even mentioned in school. It’s a serious medical problem for some men, but there needs to be a clearer definition so that most men can get on with their life. To me, if you can’t have intercourse because a) it’s done before you even get inside or b) you get inside and that sets you off, then you might have an issue that needs some medical attention. Doctors can do wonders to help you.

The rest of you who are having sex but it just isn’t a long as you want it, you might just have to deal with it. Perhaps when your partner says, “It’s ok you know, I really enjoyed it” they mean it. If they don’t, they aren’t the right partner for you anyway.

Briefly, I’ll touch on porn. Male porn stars seem to last forever (or at least the length of a DVD). Do you think Peter Jackson filmed “The Lord of the Rings” in one take? I doubt it very much. They would not have filmed “The Lord of the Ring” in one take either. (If it’s a real porn title, shoot me. I made it up.) I’m lead to believe they also use numbing agents to allow them to last forever. Sorry, but I want to enjoy sex.

Finally, I think communication is very important. Men need to learn to trust what their partner is saying. If she says she wants it quick, she wants it quick. If she says she wants some more of this or that, then that is what she wants. Don’t second guess her and think “she’s just saying that to make me feel better.” I still make that mistake sometimes, but I’m human and learning.

If she is just saying it to make you feel better, the only person missing out is her. 99.9% of the time (yes, more made up statistics) they are telling you the way it is. “Hey, let’s skip this stuff and get down and dirty” should be music to your ears, not a “oh rod, she’s just trying to make me feel better cause I suck” moment.

So men, listen to your woman. Ask her what she wants you to do. If she wants it quick and fast, give her to her. Enjoy the freedom of not having to worry about lasting for ages longer than we were probably designed for. When she wants more than that, give that to her too. Listen, communicate and understand what she wants from you.

Women, talk to your man. Tell them what you really want. Be up front all the time, so they’ll believe you in the bedroom as well as outside. If they don’t understand, show them. They’ll get it eventually.

Perhaps you need to find some way to let him know what you want this time around. It’s ok to say that you shouldn’t have to tell him — he should just know. It’s easier to just tell him, and then enjoy the fruits of your labour, so to speak.

(Thanks to definatalie for salvaging this blog post that I accidentally deleted – Nicholas)

Newly elected Premier Anna Bligh has come out fighting today in an attempt to crack down on the evil scourge of Australia, the Bikie Gangs! Reports of her announcement should ring alarm bells for any ordinary Queenslander with news that the new laws will strike “to the heart of the right of association.” This should worry you deeply.

“Why”? I hear you ask? “Won’t this just affect the criminal bikie gangs and not little ol’ me?” Wrong!

You’ve never heard of scope creep, have you?

Scope creep is where you have laws in place for one thing but through small changes in laws they morph into something else. Look at the internet censorship laws as a case in point. The Broadcasting Services Amendment (Online Services) Act 1999 brought into law that any content held overseas that was either Restricted Content or X18+ was prohibited (note: not illegal). Anything R18+ was fine – the ACMA could not add these sites to any blacklist.

Thanks to the Communications Legislation Amendment (Content Services) Act 2007, R18+ content now falls into this ‘prohibited’ category. Did you hear Kevin Rudd and Stephen Conroy running around mentioning that during the election? No. Did they even mention it during the Senate Committee inquiry/report for the bill? No. What about in the Explanatory Notes? No! (Graham 2009)

So what is to stop similar things happening with the new Bikie Gang laws? I don’t imagine Anna Bligh as a tyrant but what if someone else gets in who is? We have a unicameral legislature – that means we don’t have an upper house to play the important role of checking what happens in the lower house. We have just one legislature and what they pass is law. (Well, the Governor’s accent is needed, but that’s not really a problem if you can select your own Governor).

We need to crack down on the crimes that these Bikie Gangs are committing, not on stopping groups from congregating. So perhaps I could get into power and add the CWA to the list? If in a powerful enough position, any premier could do such a preposterous thing so easily with these laws in place.

That is far fetched, but lets extend it to terror groups. Should we ban groups of Muslim men from gathering together? What about Christian men who are considered a threat? Could we see political groups or other hardcore political groups sidelined through these laws? All it takes is another ‘crisis’ and we have the need to modify the legislation oh so slightly.

Once passed, it’s harder to get them off the books. We must stand up now – our rights are on the line. Together as a state and say NO to restricting our right to associate. You cannot nanny us, Anna Bligh and the ALP.

References

Graham, Irene 2009, Libertus.Net, Brisbane, accessed 30 March 2009, http://libertus.net/censor/netcensor.html

Senator Stephen Conroy has posted a new blog post called “Minister Conroy on: Promoting a civil and confident society online“. Sounds like crap, Senator.

Sen. Conroy’s blog post is nothing more than Government spin doctors working the media. What concerns me most is this section:

We are happy to have an open debate about these technical issues. However, the Government does not view this debate as an argument about freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech is fundamentally important in a democratic society and there was never any suggestion that the Australian Government would seek to block political content. In this context, claims that the Government’s policy is analogous to the approach taken by countries such as Iran, China and Saudi Arabia are not justified.

Australian society has always accepted that there is some material which is not acceptable, particularly for children. …  All the Government is now seeking to do is to examine how technology can assist in filtering internationally-hosted content.

Why am I concerned? People are buying it.

At work, the verdict is that I’m into Child Pornography. Why? Well why else would I want there to be no filter? I’m wanting to access illegal sites.  The rest just don’t give a toss about whether there is a filter or not. It won’t affect them and that’s all they care about.

So what can we do to win over the average Joe?

1. Take action in a professional manner.
2. Take action in small teams.
3. Take action to get the facts right.
4. Take action now.

Take action in a professional manner

It is important that we look at who we are trying to win over. We aren’t after the radicals or the net-savvy geeks – that is preaching to the converted. We need to speak to the educated middle class. Remember that the education standards are higher than ever, so people want a polished look.

Having the right equipment (PA systems, data projector, an appropriate room) conveys messages of authority and professionalism. Having a smartly-dressed presenters(s) making good, clear arguments adds to the message. Banner waving isn’t going to convince them.

Take action in small teams

We need to make small efforts to make big wins. One small group of people at a time, properly informed on the issues and implications is better than hundreds and hundreds of people who know nothing about the argument. Each person we get enthused and involved helps to keep the message moving.

Having well informed supporters provides more chance that the message will stick and be consistant. Hand out flyers, hold presentations in librarys or perhaps go to the meeting of a local social group (perhaps a playgroup or local sports club) and give them the facts to take home and think about themselves. Small progress will bring big results.

Take action to get the facts right.

There is no point in taking all this action if the information is wrong. We need a strong and solid message to take to the people so that each time they hear it, it consolidates their support. We need to have the facts right from the first go. No pseudo-science — only the truth. If we don’t know it, take the question down, go find the answer and come back next time (or email/call to give the answer) .

Getting it right now means staying on message and understanding all the facts and information. That way Government misinformation can be combatted swiftly. Further research may bring new points which support our position.

Take action now

There is no better time to act than now. Momentum is being won day by day thanks to the Government getting their message through to the ordinary Australian. If we want to continue to have the freedom to use an unfiltered Internet service, you need to start working now. This isn’t a case where you sit back and think, “They’ll never do it!” They are doing it!

Form local groups. Start a wiki with tips on how to support the cause and the facts of the case.  Start video blogs. Why not make a presentation at the local library or hold an information session? Write a presentation, have it filmed and DVD’d to people who request it through a website!

It might seem all a bit much, but this fight is a whole lot more than a bit much. We need to take action now before we lose our rights. The solution does not solve the problem.

The US Federal Communication Commision (FCC) recently cancelled a meeting which could have resulted in free  wireless broadband being made available, reports CNET. Strangely enough, the home of the PATRIOT Act was considering an opt-out pornography and ‘material deemed not fit for children’ filter for this free service.

The FCC was due to vote on the proposal on December 18 which would have resulted in the sale of 25Mhz of wireless spectrum. In exchange, licensees would be required to provide free Internet for those who either can’t afford, or don’t wish to pay for, a high speed Internet service.

The executive director of the Electronic Privacy Information Center found the filtering proposal “troubling”. “A government-mandated filter at the network level means the government can block anything it finds objectionable.”

So the US is considering filtering, but only for free Internet accessible by anyone from anywhere. The system would also allow adults to opt-out of the filter. And yet the Australian government want to filter all Internet connections? Sorry, is it opposite day?

Australians would have no way to opt-out of the filter, so would be forced to pay hard earned cash on a second rate service. I hate to say it but I think the US had the right idea — at least on the opt-out filtering.